The Love Letter

Stop and look around you. There are people you are taking for granted. Do they Really know how you feel about them? Hopefully your family does but what about friends and people who have influenced you?

Recently I reconnected with an amazing woman who helped me through my battle with breast cancer. It has been more than a year since we talked and even then it was brief. Sure time flies but relationships are important and people are important. This woman has been battling metastatic cancer for  more than a dozen years. At the same time she's been empowering others through information, support groups, fundraising - whatever it takes. And I got "busy"?

When I called her I asked the proverbial question "How are you?" and received the non-proverbial answer "Not well at all." That will set you back on your heels and make you take notice. Her cancer has now spread to her brain and, after an intensive radiation session, she's waiting to learn if she's going to live or die. Let me be clear, this woman does not give up and neither do I.

After rocking back on my heels, I realized that  it was important I share with her the impact she's had on so many lives. So I wrote her a love letter. Is there anyone who needs a love letter from you? If so, stop reading this and start writing. We can't predict the future and I don't want you to be a member of the "If only" Club.

The Torture of Waiting

A local Christian radio host is waiting to find out if he has Lymphoma. He's been waiting three weeks and, like most of us, waiting isn't his forte. Here's my advice to him and any of you who may be waiting for your test results:


Waiting is harder than a definite yes or no. If you hear "no, it's not cancer" the relief is palpable. If you hear "yes, you have cancer" you can begin to fight and amass your prayer warriors. Waiting is, well, just waiting and worrying. I could advise you to put it in God's hands but you already know that's where it is. I could tell you that if you do have cancer that it can be curable but you still have to go through it. I could tell you that if you do not have cancer you will have more empathy for those who do but you already have empathy. Instead, the only thing I can tell you is that - just as all of us should - your task is to fully embrace life and your loved ones while you wait. God and the prayer warriors will do the rest.

Thank You Betty Ford!

In the midst of the Pinkest month of the year, let’s take a moment to thank Betty Ford.

In 1974, one month after becoming First Lady, Betty Ford was diagnosed with breast cancer and underwent a mastectomy. At the time, breast cancer was the leading killer of women 40-45 yet less than half were having regular exams. In fact, breast cancer wasn’t even discussed. The media wouldn’t print or say the words breast cancer; it was called “female cancer.”

Betty Ford changed that by publicly sharing her journey with breast cancer with Time Magazine. Doctors report that “almost immediately” after Betty Ford’s interview there was an increase in women scheduling mammograms and conducting self exams. They dubbed this the “Betty Ford blip.”

It was her courage that empowered women to be proactive about their breast health. So the next time you schedule a mammogram, walk for the cure, or pin on a pink ribbon - take a moment to thank Betty Ford.

Keeping Up With Technology

RIP Steve Jobs.

Few people in the world are unaffected by the death of 56 year-old technology guru Steve Jobs. His genius has changed our world, inspired generations of young people and given us all a rare glimpse at what is possible if you ignore conventions.

Some important messages that Steve Jobs shared during his 2005 commencement speech at Stanford will surely resonate including:

• Learn What Interests You and Eventually It Will Also Be Useful
• Great Work is a Result of Loving What You Do
• Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish
• Death is Life's Change Agent

There are so many messages in Steve Jobs life and so many quotable truisms. You have them too, as a survivor. Share with us what  you've learned as soon as you set aside the tissue box. What a tremendous loss. Let's see how we can best honor his creative and loving legacy!

Happy Life to all you Trendsetters!

One thing I learned during my adventure with breast cancer is that first-hand knowledge trumps fear every time. My Breast Cancer Support Group taught me this lesson over and over again. Through their example, I have been able to offer support to young women who have been diagnosed with cancer. I'll receive phone calls and emails full of fear. I start at the beginning and talk them through their situation.

One woman really surprised me. She had leukemia. When she heard that I had breast cancer she responded "Oh, that's become practically trendy!" I could only laugh. Trendy? Like those uncomfortable wedge shoes that always caused me to twist my ankle? Or perhaps the big hair of the 80's? No thank you, that's not the kind of trend I want any part of. Let's start the Surviving and Thriving trend!

So to all you trendsetters out there - Happy Breast Cancer Awareness Month and Happy Life!

Grateful for .....

On this Earth Day, I'm grateful for ... well, all of it. I live on a gorgeous planet, in a free country, surrounded by people who care, and again this year I'm cancer free. What? You say the economy is bad, politics has gotten out of hand, and people all over the world are suffering. Of course you're right but so am I.

Can we agree that we live in a complicated world of beauty and challenge? Great. So the first thing we've agreed on is that We Live - at least until we die. Environmentalists tell us to tread lightly and leave only bubbles. In context, that's completely right but don't apply that to your life. Leave a legacy that includes visiting as much of this gorgeous planet as possible; exercising your freedom; and caring for the neighbors you know and those you don't. If you do this, you may see small improvements in the economy, politics and suffering. If we all do this, maybe the media will run out of bad news. It's a worthy goal.

In the meantime, celebrate Earth Day with me by looking at some of our planet's beauty.

If The Genie Asks

The brown serious nuns did not protect me from the middle school bullies. In fact, I think they made matters worse. In any case, middle school was - for me and many of us - a truly unhappy time. However, much like living through cancer, middle school strengthened me, shaped my personality and caused me to lose my hair. It's true about the hair but that's another story.

As a result of being fired in the middle school kiln, I entered high school with a different attitude. I would no longer be bullied. I didn't even realize I had this new "take no guff" attitude until a girl in the high school restroom tried to rob me and a new friend.

"Are you kidding? You obviously don't know who you're messing with," I said in a clear, calm voice as I began to back the would-be bathroom felon toward the door. "I'll give you one chance to get out of here or I wouldn't want to be you." She turn and fled in terror. My new friend looked at me like I was an alien and perhaps I was but I knew in that moment that I was a new person.

I only attended that particular high school for one year but I owe them a lot. As a result of my new attitude I shed my previously shy approach and began meeting people with a new confidence. I performed in school plays and competed in Original Comedy through the Drama Club. My best performance remains the one in the bathroom.

I share this story because I've been invited back to that high school for Career Day. I think I'll visit that particular bathroom. If I should meet a genie there who offers me a choice between reliving middle school or being diagnosed with cancer again, which fire should I choose?

New Printing and E-Printing

Adventures in Breast Cancer will soon be available for Kindle. Create Space has been retained to produce the book in both hard copy and Kindle-ready. Thanks Create Space, the hard copy proof looks great.

Remembering Mom

Eighteen years ago today your pain ended. We had two months to say goodbye - a luxury that many don't have. It was a sweet time with a lot of visitors, much laughing, many memories and a few tears. Today there are still memories and a few tears. Mostly there is gratitude for the chance to say goodbye.

Summertime

"Summertime and the living is easy." Or so the song goes. For those of us with hot flashes, summer can find us peeling off clothes faster than a Las Vegas stripper. When the man in bed with you says "You're hot!" this is not a compliment. It's code for "move over, your body's become a radiator - again."

It's true, a hot flash raises your skin temperature 4-8 degrees - Instantly. Suddenly you find your cheeks rosy, you're glistening and everyone is plotting to use you as the S'more maker at the next cookout.

My solution, buy yourself a convertible with a great air conditioning system. You deserve it baby cause you're hot!

Celebration of Life

Spring makes me giddy. The renewal of life is so powerful whether you're in the garden or simply sitting quietly contemplating the past. So many breast cancer survivors have told me how important connecting with nature has become to them. I have to agree. Being one with nature, especially in the Spring, feels like attending a celebration of life.

Today I celebrate those friends and family who have faced a crisis and emerged stronger and more centered. Who will you celebrate?

My Angry Valentine

Mom was angry. Everything about her cancer made her mad - especially the color Pink! "I'm not fighting the brave fight" she'd proclaim. "I am an unwilling participant and I will not be defined by cancer."

One thing she did like was gifts. No matter the occasion, she wanted gifts. That made her first Valentines Day with cancer rather tricky. I knew this year's gift had to carefully avoid the colors, emotions and symbols of cancer. Yet, I wanted to give her something special that would remind her how much I loved her. My solution was to think like a mom. What she really wanted was exactly what I had to give - a daughter's love.

When she opened my gift, she burst into tears. "This is so special, thank you." I had given her my heart.

Seasonal Gratitude

Holiday music is playing, cookies are baking, decorations are hung by the chimney with care. It's a season for gratitude. To cancer survivors, every day is a season for gratitude. What a great side effect!

I just read the latest post by Jackie Fox at Dispatch from Second Base. She offers five reasons she's thankful for Breast Cancer. What are your reasons?

What, Me Worry?

We're born with only two fears: the fear of falling and loud noises. All others are learned. It's also been said that 90% of what we worry about never happens. Why then are so many of us plagued with fears, worries and all types of unimaginable stresses? And why can't these happy little facts simply wipe out our fears and worries?

I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately. I know that worry isn't good for anyone and yet it's socially acceptable. As a survivor - either of cancer or anything else severe - you often hear "I just couldn't do that." Pre-cancer you may have even said that yourself but now you know that you can. It's empowering isn't it?

So the next time one of those fears or worries sneak up on you and you're tempted to say "Oh, I just couldn't deal with that," pull out your secret weapon. Look fear in the face and say "Yes, I can because I already have."

Riding My Tricycle

Do you remember Artie Johnson? Sometimes I feel like him. I'm riding my tricycle, all is well and then - out of the blue - something knocks me over. Cancer and the threat of metastatic disease can do that. What should we do?

I talked with a wise man recently and the answer is deceptively simple and amazingly hard at the same time. You can choose to tell your story based on the times you've been knocked over or the times you've been riding your tricycle.

Keep on pedaling and smiling ladies!

Quote of The Day

"I can't go back to yesterday - because I was a different person then."
- Lewis Carroll

Out of challenges comes strength. Whether you're dealing with health problems, relationship issues or the current economic downturn, you can find yourself wondering what you can possibly do to get back to yesterday. The bad news is that you can't. Sometimes, that's also the good news.

The reality is that you can't change circumstances, you can only change how you react to them. Don't you just want to slap whoever came up with that? Yeah, me too, but it's true so let's explore some coping mechanisms.

There's Always Chocolate
Everyone slams the media for only reporting bad news but they deserve a Pulitzer for letting us know that dark chocolate and red wine are actually good for us. Now if they'd throw in some butter, potato chips and peppermint ice cream, they might qualify for sainthood.

Name It
Strangely enough, simply putting a name to your feelings can help you cope. Psychologists will tell you to name your feelings - Anger, Fear, Hopelessness - and it helps. While that's true, if certain feelings are regular visitors you might consider giving them more personal names like Ralph, Joe and Trevor.

Exercise Creates Endorphins
The research is clear - exercise creates endorphins which make you feel better. Did you know there are other ways to create endorphins? Rather than sweating on the treadmill you could fall in love and/or have sex. If you're relationship adverse you might consider eating spicy foods like hot peppers, horseradish and wasabi. Laughter can do it, too and it's good for your stomach muscles. Oh yeah, and did I mention Chocolate? There's always chocolate!

Trust Me On The Sunscreen

Modern legend has it that Kurt Vonnegut delivered a commencement speech that began and ended with a reminder to wear sunscreen.

"Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now."

While not Vonnegut's, these words become powerful when you learn the treatment options for skin cancer. A friend who's beginning topical chemo for the second time in his adult life joked that at least he'd come out of it with "a new face." He says that because at least seven layers of skin will be removed by the chemical that will be applied to his face.

"Don't make me laugh" he warned because making facial expressions are extremely painful.

Skin cancer is the most commonly diagnosed cancer and many cases are linked to exposure and sun burns when we were children. To prevent cancer apply sunscreen at least every two hours. This is true for those with or without a tan. A tan is no
protection from skin cancer.

Also, be sure you sunscreen is fresh. Sunscreen loses its potency after a year. With a bit of planning and protection, you can enjoy summer for years to come.

Second Time Around

I received a call from a friend. "Carol I need another copy of the book. My friend is facing her second bout with Breast Cancer." Then I received a link to the blog "Life's Funny Like That." The top story is about Mary, who's facing Breast Cancer for the second time. Whoa! That will give a survivor pause.

So let's pause for a moment ladies. Step away from the computer - the vacuum or whatever task you're engaged in and take a moment to celebrate your life.

The Shortest Distance Between Two Points

So often we shake our heads or our fists, wondering what’s wrong with God. We’ve asked him for help - to take away some pain or to help us achieve a goal - and yet the opposite has happened.

“Lord,” I prayed “please let this lump be benign.” Then I was told “You have Stage 3 Breast Cancer.”

Wait a minute here, I asked God for help. I had been clear and it was a straight line between me and health. This shouldn't be hard for him. After all, God had cured a lot of people and brought some back from the dead. Even the Cancer Centers of America can’t do that! So what had happened? Was his Prayer Mail Box full? Why didn’t he answer my prayer?

Now as I look back from the perspective of several years, I see the flaws in my thinking . First, prayers were answered. Taking the journey through cancer, I received gifts along the way. I learned new coping skills, deepened some relationships, began new friendships, and had the opportunity to help people.

Second, and maybe most importantly, there was a flaw with my geometry. I believed that I was the first point along the route - that I was at the center of the universe. Now when I pray, I remind myself of three things:

• The shortest distance between two points is a straight line
• There are gifts and answered prayers along that line
• The point in the middle isn’t me

Digging for a Cure

It's officially Spring. For those of you in the Midwest and Northern climates, you know this is a time of miracles. Trees are beginning to bud and bloom, bulbs are emerging and everything smells better.

For those of us who are Cancer Survivors, this time of miracles is all the more poignant. I've talked with many women who tell me that post-Cancer, gardening has become almost an obsession. Everything is better when we're on our knees, face to face with some good black dirt, and welcoming a fragile plant into the world. Why do you think that is?