The Love Letter

Stop and look around you. There are people you are taking for granted. Do they Really know how you feel about them? Hopefully your family does but what about friends and people who have influenced you?

Recently I reconnected with an amazing woman who helped me through my battle with breast cancer. It has been more than a year since we talked and even then it was brief. Sure time flies but relationships are important and people are important. This woman has been battling metastatic cancer for  more than a dozen years. At the same time she's been empowering others through information, support groups, fundraising - whatever it takes. And I got "busy"?

When I called her I asked the proverbial question "How are you?" and received the non-proverbial answer "Not well at all." That will set you back on your heels and make you take notice. Her cancer has now spread to her brain and, after an intensive radiation session, she's waiting to learn if she's going to live or die. Let me be clear, this woman does not give up and neither do I.

After rocking back on my heels, I realized that  it was important I share with her the impact she's had on so many lives. So I wrote her a love letter. Is there anyone who needs a love letter from you? If so, stop reading this and start writing. We can't predict the future and I don't want you to be a member of the "If only" Club.

If The Genie Asks

The brown serious nuns did not protect me from the middle school bullies. In fact, I think they made matters worse. In any case, middle school was - for me and many of us - a truly unhappy time. However, much like living through cancer, middle school strengthened me, shaped my personality and caused me to lose my hair. It's true about the hair but that's another story.

As a result of being fired in the middle school kiln, I entered high school with a different attitude. I would no longer be bullied. I didn't even realize I had this new "take no guff" attitude until a girl in the high school restroom tried to rob me and a new friend.

"Are you kidding? You obviously don't know who you're messing with," I said in a clear, calm voice as I began to back the would-be bathroom felon toward the door. "I'll give you one chance to get out of here or I wouldn't want to be you." She turn and fled in terror. My new friend looked at me like I was an alien and perhaps I was but I knew in that moment that I was a new person.

I only attended that particular high school for one year but I owe them a lot. As a result of my new attitude I shed my previously shy approach and began meeting people with a new confidence. I performed in school plays and competed in Original Comedy through the Drama Club. My best performance remains the one in the bathroom.

I share this story because I've been invited back to that high school for Career Day. I think I'll visit that particular bathroom. If I should meet a genie there who offers me a choice between reliving middle school or being diagnosed with cancer again, which fire should I choose?

Is "I'm Sorry" Adequate?

Often people claim they don’t know what to say when they are told someone’s facing a challenge. Most of the time, they’re wrong. It’s not even what they say, it’s how they say it. You get a real sense of caring.

Sometimes, just three words said with real sincerity can become the Gettysburg Address of Love.

Then there are others who are correct. They really don’t know what to say but they start talking anyway.

Here’s my best advice: If you’re not sure which category you’re in, let me suggest that you keep away from anything that suggests:

1) It’s no big deal
2) It’s somehow the fault of the person facing the challenge, or
3) It’s a punishment from God

It’s also a good idea to refrain from sharing stories where a person went in for a lumpectomy and came out with a lobotomy.

Most of all, it's not what you say - it's the way you listen.