Seasonal Gratitude

Holiday music is playing, cookies are baking, decorations are hung by the chimney with care. It's a season for gratitude. To cancer survivors, every day is a season for gratitude. What a great side effect!

I just read the latest post by Jackie Fox at Dispatch from Second Base. She offers five reasons she's thankful for Breast Cancer. What are your reasons?

What, Me Worry?

We're born with only two fears: the fear of falling and loud noises. All others are learned. It's also been said that 90% of what we worry about never happens. Why then are so many of us plagued with fears, worries and all types of unimaginable stresses? And why can't these happy little facts simply wipe out our fears and worries?

I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately. I know that worry isn't good for anyone and yet it's socially acceptable. As a survivor - either of cancer or anything else severe - you often hear "I just couldn't do that." Pre-cancer you may have even said that yourself but now you know that you can. It's empowering isn't it?

So the next time one of those fears or worries sneak up on you and you're tempted to say "Oh, I just couldn't deal with that," pull out your secret weapon. Look fear in the face and say "Yes, I can because I already have."

Riding My Tricycle

Do you remember Artie Johnson? Sometimes I feel like him. I'm riding my tricycle, all is well and then - out of the blue - something knocks me over. Cancer and the threat of metastatic disease can do that. What should we do?

I talked with a wise man recently and the answer is deceptively simple and amazingly hard at the same time. You can choose to tell your story based on the times you've been knocked over or the times you've been riding your tricycle.

Keep on pedaling and smiling ladies!

Quote of The Day

"I can't go back to yesterday - because I was a different person then."
- Lewis Carroll

Out of challenges comes strength. Whether you're dealing with health problems, relationship issues or the current economic downturn, you can find yourself wondering what you can possibly do to get back to yesterday. The bad news is that you can't. Sometimes, that's also the good news.

The reality is that you can't change circumstances, you can only change how you react to them. Don't you just want to slap whoever came up with that? Yeah, me too, but it's true so let's explore some coping mechanisms.

There's Always Chocolate
Everyone slams the media for only reporting bad news but they deserve a Pulitzer for letting us know that dark chocolate and red wine are actually good for us. Now if they'd throw in some butter, potato chips and peppermint ice cream, they might qualify for sainthood.

Name It
Strangely enough, simply putting a name to your feelings can help you cope. Psychologists will tell you to name your feelings - Anger, Fear, Hopelessness - and it helps. While that's true, if certain feelings are regular visitors you might consider giving them more personal names like Ralph, Joe and Trevor.

Exercise Creates Endorphins
The research is clear - exercise creates endorphins which make you feel better. Did you know there are other ways to create endorphins? Rather than sweating on the treadmill you could fall in love and/or have sex. If you're relationship adverse you might consider eating spicy foods like hot peppers, horseradish and wasabi. Laughter can do it, too and it's good for your stomach muscles. Oh yeah, and did I mention Chocolate? There's always chocolate!

Trust Me On The Sunscreen

Modern legend has it that Kurt Vonnegut delivered a commencement speech that began and ended with a reminder to wear sunscreen.

"Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now."

While not Vonnegut's, these words become powerful when you learn the treatment options for skin cancer. A friend who's beginning topical chemo for the second time in his adult life joked that at least he'd come out of it with "a new face." He says that because at least seven layers of skin will be removed by the chemical that will be applied to his face.

"Don't make me laugh" he warned because making facial expressions are extremely painful.

Skin cancer is the most commonly diagnosed cancer and many cases are linked to exposure and sun burns when we were children. To prevent cancer apply sunscreen at least every two hours. This is true for those with or without a tan. A tan is no
protection from skin cancer.

Also, be sure you sunscreen is fresh. Sunscreen loses its potency after a year. With a bit of planning and protection, you can enjoy summer for years to come.

Second Time Around

I received a call from a friend. "Carol I need another copy of the book. My friend is facing her second bout with Breast Cancer." Then I received a link to the blog "Life's Funny Like That." The top story is about Mary, who's facing Breast Cancer for the second time. Whoa! That will give a survivor pause.

So let's pause for a moment ladies. Step away from the computer - the vacuum or whatever task you're engaged in and take a moment to celebrate your life.

The Shortest Distance Between Two Points

So often we shake our heads or our fists, wondering what’s wrong with God. We’ve asked him for help - to take away some pain or to help us achieve a goal - and yet the opposite has happened.

“Lord,” I prayed “please let this lump be benign.” Then I was told “You have Stage 3 Breast Cancer.”

Wait a minute here, I asked God for help. I had been clear and it was a straight line between me and health. This shouldn't be hard for him. After all, God had cured a lot of people and brought some back from the dead. Even the Cancer Centers of America can’t do that! So what had happened? Was his Prayer Mail Box full? Why didn’t he answer my prayer?

Now as I look back from the perspective of several years, I see the flaws in my thinking . First, prayers were answered. Taking the journey through cancer, I received gifts along the way. I learned new coping skills, deepened some relationships, began new friendships, and had the opportunity to help people.

Second, and maybe most importantly, there was a flaw with my geometry. I believed that I was the first point along the route - that I was at the center of the universe. Now when I pray, I remind myself of three things:

• The shortest distance between two points is a straight line
• There are gifts and answered prayers along that line
• The point in the middle isn’t me

Digging for a Cure

It's officially Spring. For those of you in the Midwest and Northern climates, you know this is a time of miracles. Trees are beginning to bud and bloom, bulbs are emerging and everything smells better.

For those of us who are Cancer Survivors, this time of miracles is all the more poignant. I've talked with many women who tell me that post-Cancer, gardening has become almost an obsession. Everything is better when we're on our knees, face to face with some good black dirt, and welcoming a fragile plant into the world. Why do you think that is?

The Gettysburg Address of Love

When you first hear the news that a friend has been diagnosed with cancer, you’re likely to think of a variety of ways you intend to step up and help. Perhaps you’ll bring food, send funny cards or offer to clean her house. Before you have the opportunity to do any of these things, you actually have to say something. This is where the problems begin.

So many of us claim we don’t know what to say when we’re told someone’s facing a challenge. As a result, we put off having that conversation until so much time has passed that now we’re MIA.

For most of you, my counsel is “Don’t worry about what you say - just say something.” Your friend just wants to know you care. Sometimes, three words said with real sincerity can become the Gettysburg Address of Love.

For the rest of you, may I suggest that you keep away from anything that suggests:

1) It’s no big deal
2) It’s somehow the fault of the person facing the challenge, or
3) It’s a punishment from God

It’s also a good idea to refrain from sharing hospital horror stories.

Once you get your mouth under control, you can let your heart take over.

What’s the nicest thing anyone every said to you when you were down?